A roadmap where you thought there was only judgment

I have a friend who is both very successful and very hard on himself. He’s constantly judging, criticizing, and pushing himself to achieve, achieve, and ... achieve.

If you've read The Happy Lawyer, you may remember that one of the foundations of a good life is self-compassion. This friend believes that. But he can’t seem to practice it. And to be honest, I get it — learning to love myself has been one of my hardest challenges over the past decade.

But as I work through Project Unf*ckwithable, I had an insight: I don’t always feel in love with my kids or my wife, but I always love them. And that love is demonstrated by the fact that I show up for them.

What if love isn't an emotion, but a commitment?

If loving yourself is a commitment rather than a feeling, then it’s a question of how you act, not how you feel. That’s good news. We can’t always control our emotions, but we can control our actions. I can force myself to go to the gym even when I don’t feel like it. I can’t force myself to feel happy when I feel sad.

So if you were someone who truly loved yourself:

• What actions would you take?

• What actions would you not take?

• What empowering thoughts would you practice?

• How would you meet disempowering thoughts when they inevitably showed up?

Your answers turn loving yourself from a pipe-dream to a roadmap.

It may feel unattainable. But the version of you who loves you would try anyway.

You’ve got this.